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EU’s Human Brain Project Reaches Adolescence, Loses Keys, Mouths off to It’s Parents.


“The Human Brain Project has reached a monumental milestone today.” Says Professor Henry Markam, the director of the European Union’s 24 country strong mega project.

The Human Brain Project, along with Blue Brain project are meant to create supercomputers that function like human brains.  Markam describes the mission like this “The Computers will be just like us, we’re not really sure why we should, it just sounds fun, I guess we might cure a disease or two… who knows really, I always just wanted a computer shaped like a brain.”

Reports from the École Polytechnique Fédérale de Lausanne state that an experimental stage of a computer exhibited behavior reminiscent of a cranky teenager, claiming that it had lost it’s keys and “had to go see Joey”. Nobody present could say who the hell Joey was. Martina Fe´li, an intern from Morocco tasked with testing the unit’s speech functionality was found slumped in her chair crying after being told off by the computer, and having her choice in hair style, an oriental type up-do criticized.  “I just couldn’t believe how rude it had learned to be, I told my fellow interns not to use it to download bootleg episodes of Jersey Shore… but they didn’t listen to me, and now the computer is so rude.”

While Martina is not sure she will continue her internship, Dr. Markam is thrilled with the results so far.  “This behavior is a sign of great progress, the fact that it’s acting human is very promising in terms of seeing how our own consciousness develops, and I can’t have children… so, yeah…”